Friday, January 16, 2009

At HOME with myself

Thank you Jamie, Suzie, Gypsy and Gail McMeekin for my inspiration this week!

I read the chapter and have been contemplating my creative 'sanctuary' and then all of a sudden, in the last 2 minutes - BOOM! - like lightning here it is.

I have been challenged by my current maternity leave - I have loved it, honoured it, and been deliriously happy with my little guy - but have battled with the raging feminist voice in my soul that says this 'home life' is just a stereotype and is not valuable, is not my destiny. Thank you Suzie for empowering my own 'domestic diva' and enlightening me to consider otherwise. And thank you to Gypsy for giving me the peace of knowing that this is where I am 'supposed to be' right now and it is a place that deserves honour and reverence.

I am home, I am here, I am mother, I am domestic diva....AND I am an artist, I am a creator, a teacher, a lover, a deep friend, a compassionate being, a force to be reckoned with, a revolutionary spirit, a daughter, a sister, a partner, a woman of BLISS.

And my sanctuary....first I thought it would be a box. A beautiful marble box with inspirational quotes on it given to me by a kindred spirit as a gift of initiation (I realize now) into my Motherhood of Creativity! Then I thought perhaps it would be the car because I can be truly alone there (I live with my Bulgarian beau, my baby and my beloved cat in a 1-bedroom apartment!) And then....reading about Gypsy, her music, her incense, her moment of silence...I looked in front of me and realized MY CREATIVE SANCTUARY IS RIGHT HERE!! I saw (on our circular wooden 'dinner' table, which was once my table of creative pursuits) my champagne roses (my favourite), my glass of Bordeaux wine (my favourite), incandescent light, my delightful rainbow fish quilted placemats (a creative 'extravagance' bought in my grandmother's province of Nova Scotia), and on the wall, paintings from our travels and the Queen of Romania's deliriously enchanting summer castle and sanctuary! Listening to Deva Primal (from Gypsy's blog site) it dawned on me that all I was missing was my lavendar oil. So that is now burning....and my inspiration is all FIRED UP!

So what 'makes my heart sing'???? (I LOVE that phrase.)

- Elliott.....('little L'), my boodha, my boosha, my munchkin, my 'petit miracle'
- champagne roses!
- lavendar & peppermint & patchouli & sandalwood & bergamot & sage
- chocolate chip cookies
- mangoes & strawberries & acai & fresh juicy fruit!
- dancing - disco, bollywood, bellydance, drumming & dancing, letting my spirit FLOW OUT and being surrounded by the energy of other dancers in a dance trance!
- yoga
- sunsets! (especially over the water)
- my voluptuous, intuitive black & white long time best friend (and cat), Gadjette
- the way my Bulgarian beau looks at me when he comes home at the end of the day
- Bordeaux wine on the balcony in Paris (I think that led to the #1 love on my list!)
- Cream Earl Grey tea from Pippins
- bubble tea
- chai latte and my escape to solitude at the local Timothy's
- skating by the lake at Harbourfront, with the lights and the music and the Toronto icon - the CN Tower - all lit up at night (followed by decadent hot chocolate!)
- making snow angels with my sisters when we were kids (& goofing off with them in general anywhere and everywhere)
- the beach....the lakes of Northern Ontario, the Black Sea, the Pacific Ocean, the Atlantic ocean....the waves rushing up against the shore of my soul
- sunshine...frolicing in the the sun...rollerskating, walking on the boardwalk, watching the 4-year-olds learn to play soccer in the Beaches
- making little L laugh....oh his laugh....all my broken and fragile pieces just leap together again in joy and I feel the angels smiling on us
- being 'loopy' (as my friends say)....being uninhibited...wearing crazy hats and making ridiculous faces and reminding people that adult life does not have to be serious and routine....we can still be 'free to be you and me' if only we would give ourselves permission more often!
- anything that sparkles
- fairies
- Dr. Suess & Tomie de Paola & J.K. Rowling books
- carefree days to wanderlust around the library
- Winnie the Pooh
- Maya Angelou
- Leonard Cohen
- puppetry, clowning, masks, creative movement, experimenting with my body, appreciating how it creates, speaking a physical language
- conversations with people living in their light
- playing with kids
- swings in the playground, propeling myself into the SKY!
- mentoring young people
- bonding as a team when creating performances
- Japanese onsens
- traveling and experiencing foreign cultures
- learning new languages and wonderful words and expressions like 'alegria' and 'saudades' and 'let's leave in beauty' and 'enchante'
- forgiveness
- finding the humour and allowing myself to let go of control
- the words: serendipity, bliss, possibility, magic, flow, be, breathe, widening open, inspiration, enchantment, SURRENDER
- the intoxicating music of my songwriting friends
- ancient trees in the rainforest
- tropical fish
- lush mountains
- looking into the eyes of a horse, or a dog, or my cat and feeling something beyond language
- philanthropy and people who give a darn
- writing! - poetry, journaling, travel writing
- towns up north where you can see and wish on EVERY star beaming in the sky
- the northern lights
- Rocky Harbour, Newfoundland (& my late, beloved, poetic 'granfudder')
- Brazilian baterias
- the joy that often radiates from the economically 'poor' people in other countries
- of course, my family, my friends....spending TIME with those I love

......I could go on forever

but instead, I will finish with a poem I recently wrote for my baby, who propels me deeper and wider into the layers and vast mysteries of LOVE:


You make me want to learn every language and dialect around the world
so I can know a thousand ways to say

You make me want to grow propellers from my arms
so I can fly with you through the canopy of stars in the sky
just to see the twinkle in your eyes.

You make me want to transform myself into a mutant rooster-hermit crab
so I can cock-a-doodle-doo my way underground
and taste the earth drinking in your laughter.

You make me want to

You make me want for

You make me want for nothing.

You make me want to open a library of unknown facts
that can only be learned through the senses
so I can touch the mysteries with you and savour the wonder
of you.

You make me want to conduct a symphony of fireflies
that enchants the Queen Bee to declare a truce
between the insects and the reptiles
so you may lie upon the grass
and hear the hush of peace between the blades.

You make me want to dance with dinosaurs
and tickle turtles
and slide across a moonbeam into your heart
where I could sleep forever
snuggled in the sweet smell of your soul.

You make me want to

You make me want for

You make me want for nothing.


  1. beautiful words! beautiful list! beautiful baby!

  2. What a beautiful symphony of love you have produced!

  3. First of all, how adorable is your little guy! As soon as I landed on your page, I grinned! How can you taking the time to be with this little wonder not be of consequence? You are creating in a most important way!

    I love your sanctuary. It's dreamy! And I loved reading your list of inspirations. I'm grinning from ear to ear. :)

    Thank you for sharing your treasures. :)

  4. What a wonderful poem. symphony of fireflies stanza is amazing! and cockadoodle do my way underground? Wow!

    I can see that hearing Suzie must have been a heavensent gift for you this week. I know we all loved it, but a feminist on maternity leave, I can see how it would especially kick ass for you.

    I love how you realized your sacred space is right in front of you.
    And how you took in the words of the other women and let them lead you.

    And lastly, I love your list.

  5. You are a domestic diva! Claim it, be it, honour it. You are the divine female incarnate. Your life is beautiful and sacred. And you know what? Champagne roses are my favourite too! ;)

  6. What a beautiful post!

    I wonder what could be more stereotypical these days than women having children and putting them in daycare and going to jobs just to make money!? :)

    So YOU are everything BUT stereotypical and I admire your dedication to that child -- your most important creative "project" ever.

    As a Gen x'er, I was part of the group of children first latch keyed and sent to daycare. I think it's important that as parents, my generation turn this back around. Priorities, ya know?

    Also, I am not a mother and will not be a mother, and I wonder at our inability as women to look around and see OTHER choices for ourselves BESIDES mother OR worker bee. Choices...isn't that what feminism is really supposed to be about?

    So good for you! OWN that beautiful life you have. :)

  7. Inspiring post and amazing list! I saw many of my own faves listed. Wonderful that your new perspective helped you see that sacred space right before your eyes!

  8. This post is like a shot of creative electricity! Your space is beautiful!

  9. Britt,
    Thank you for your comment about my photo journal. If you're interested in creating a photo journal, there's a link on mine that will take you to I'm sure other companies do this; it was free and I figured -why not try? Then you can download pictures from your computer. It seems like fun. Let me know if you have other questions. This was the only way that I could respond. I don't see a link to your email.

  10. Wow! That's an awesome poem! I'm so glad we're all in this together :)
    Kim H

  11. Hello Poetess,
    thanks for your kind comment on my poem. Kavindra means mighty poet - pretty cool pen name, huh? Cool and audacious, but sometimes you gotta be bold. It's hindi. (Kavi means poet, indra is hindu god of warfare and the sky.)

  12. Mmm, I enjoyed every morsel of this post. Thank you for bringing to life the beauty of your world and sharing it. A sanctuary indeed! What a gift.

  13. I just want to encourage you in your season of Domestic Divaness. It is sometimes hard to go against culture and spend our time and energies on things that we intuitively know are of value. One of the beautiful things about being a woman is we have a chance to live many lives. This time in your life may not be your whole destiny, but it is a part of your destiny.

    Live it with abandon and you will have few regrets.